


Swipe Right

by B_does_the_write_thing



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Storybrooke AU, dialogue only, online dating is a battlefield
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 16:12:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4311801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_does_the_write_thing/pseuds/B_does_the_write_thing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At Ruby's request, Belle tries Tinder while Neal gets too involved in his father’s dating life.  Storybrooke AU, Dialogue Only</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swipe Right

**Author's Note:**

> mywhatafunnygirlthatbelle prompted Online Dating- I attempted a different format to make it stand out a bit from the other wonderful online dating verses in this fandom.

“I said no.” 

“Come on, Papa, just give it a try.” 

– 

“Ruby, I’m just not comfortable with this.” 

“Relax. What’s the worse that could happen?”

–

“Bae, I’m not so sure this is a good idea…” 

“It’ll be fine, Emma. Hey, which one of these looks better?” 

“The one at the docks last year, he looks almost approachable… Do you even know what you’re doing, Bae?”

“Yea, Henry told me about this one. You swipe right if you like someone. Then, if they like you in return, you can talk with them. This way, I can find someone he might actually like who already likes him.”

“I’m not saying your heart’s not in the right place. It just seems a little... young for your father.” 

“You worry too much. Besides, ladies like older men.” 

“You’ve been married for eleven years. How do you know what the ladies like these days, Bailey Gold?”

“Henry told me.”

“Because a tween obsessed with fairy tales and video games is a reliable source?” 

“Do you think I should mention he’s a grandfather in his biography section?” 

– 

“How’s it going?” 

“Hey, Ruby. Hand me that book?”

“This looks dull.” 

“It’s Voltaire.”

“Exactly.” 

“I’ll be ready in just a few-“ 

“Belle, you’ve got six unread messages on this thing.”

“Ruby, stop looking through my phone. If you want to read something, pick up a book.” 

“Excuse me, I’ll have you know I’m a avid reader.” 

“How is the Duke of Devilshire?” 

“Devilishly devastating. Archie didn’t know what hit him last night.” 

“Did you-“ 

“Oh, yes. He didn’t know what to do with his hands at first but he figured it out. How’s the online dating scene going?” 

“It’s horrible. Hardly a cute guy to be found. And the ones I do match up with just want me to come over for a “movie”. And it’s not to ever actually watch the movie. What happened to coffee dates?” 

“There’s plenty of cute guys on here. You’re just picky.” 

“Selective.” 

“Pot meet kettle. What about a nice older man?“

“Is there any chance I can convince you to have wine night at my apartment tonight? I’ve been on my feet all day-“ 

“You promised we’d go out!” 

“I know, I know. Let me just get my bag. What are you doing with my phone, give it here.” 

“Just looking.”

“You’re swiping. Stop swiping!” 

“You need to get laid!”

“I need a friend who stops interfering with my social life! If I wanted to meet someone, I would! Now, give me my phone.”

–

“Emma! Emma, come check this out!” 

“What! I’m in the middle of- who is that?”

“Her name is Belle, she's a librarian. How perfect is that?” 

“Are you sure she’s not one of those scammers?” 

“It’s called catfishing, Mom.” 

“Go wash your hands before dinner, Henry.”

“She seems nice, don’t you think?” 

“She seems a little young.” 

“She’s older than you, Emma.” 

“Still.” 

“Think she likes coffee?” 

“You father is never going to agree to this.”

“Who said he had to agree?” 

–

“Jackpot!” 

“Ruby! I told you not to swipe!” 

“But look at him! He’s a silver fox.” 

“He’s …older.” 

“So? More experience.” 

“He could be my father…”

“Even better. How about coffee tomorrow afternoon. Chip’s Cup over on Forest at three. Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?” 

“I don’t know…” 

“Look, if you go out with this guy, I’ll stop bothering you about the online dating scene. Just go out with this one guy and if it’s terrible, you’re done.” 

“Promise?”

“Promise.” 

“Fine. But make it noon. That way I can use work as an excuse if he’s a creep. I mean, look he’s got this blonde in half his pictures- she’s younger than I am!”

“So, he can get it. Big deal. Besides, he has good taste in clothes. That’s Italian tailoring if I’m not mistaken.” 

– 

“Papa?” 

“Bailey, what a surprise. Come here for a minute, I just got in this exquisite spinning wheel from Scotland, found in an old storage unit-“ 

“Papa, you free for lunch?”

“What’s this about?” 

“Nothing! I just thought-“

“You never come downtown during the week. What’s the occasion?”

“Just wanted to go grab a coffee-“

“A coffee?” 

“Tea?” 

“The Darlings are coming in to look at the new curio cabinet-“ 

“How about you go pick up lunch for us? I’ll wait on the Darlings.“ 

“But-“ 

“Just turkey on rye for me. And an espresso with double shot.” 

“Bae-“

“Thanks, Papa. Hurry up, they get crowded around noon.”

– 

“Ruby, I can’t believe you convinced me to do this- he’s not even here! No, I’m not hanging up until he walks in- I’ve been here for fifteen minutes and- oh god, he just walked in. No, he just- I’m not going up to him! He should know what I look like! Ruby- Ruby, no absolutely not. I am not under any circumstances going to – Yes, he’s not bad looking. But I already knew that- he’s late, impatient and he just made the hostess cry! I couldn’t hear what he said but I don’t want to spend time with a beast like that. No, Ruby. I’m leaving. I don’t care if he’s loaded- what do you mean you just Googled him? Gold? Gold as in Gold Pawnshop and Antiques?? He’s the Robert Gold?”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry, I-Ruby, I’ve got to go. No, I’ve got to-. Sorry, I was on the phone with my friend, she’s- Ah. Sorry, I’m Belle. Well, of course you already knew that but-“ 

“Belle?” 

“Yea, I went ahead and ordered my coffee since you were late-“ 

“I believe there may be some sort of mistake, you see-“ 

“Oh! Was our date at half past twelve? I could’ve sworn it was noon.“

“Our date?” 

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have called it that. I know we agreed to just meet up instead of getting to know each other first.“ 

“Belle. Hold on, you were expecting me?” 

“Yes… you said yes when I asked you – well I mean, my friend Ruby technically asked you for coffee, I just agreed to come- Oh my god, you have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

“Obviously.” 

“You don’t have to be rude about it…”

“You have not even begun to see rude, dearie. Now, I can only imagine that this was some sort of online dating setup?”

“Tinder.” 

“Abysmal.”

“That’s what I said.” 

“Hmm. And then why did you agree to have coffee with a man twice your age?” 

“I spend one hour drinking coffee with you, I get my friend out of my hair. For good.” 

“Ah. It appears my son has ignored my protests and signed me up under false pretenses-“

“Your son?” 

“Bailey. He’s… precocious.”

“How old is he?” 

“Sir, here’s your order, sorry for the wait.”

“Indeed.”

“Again, sorry sir.” 

“You didn’t say thank you.” 

“They didn’t have the order prepared upon my arrival despite my calling ahead and their assurances it would be waiting for me at the hostess stand.”

“So?”

“They were in the wrong.” 

“Is that sandwich for Bailey?”

“Belle, I can hear your stomach rumbling form here. Order something before it deafens me permanently.” 

“I don’t like to eat alone…” 

“For heaven’s – Waiter, can we get two menus?”

“You don’t have to-“

“My son has a lot to answer for but I am not leaving a young woman to the mercies of that infernal shallow pit of human hormones. I can spare an hour to eat in the company of a beautiful woman and thus prevent any further mishaps, at least on your behalf.”

“Beautiful?”

“Is Belle not French for beautiful?”

“It is.”

“Your parents had high hopes. For your sake, I am glad they were not mistaken.” 

“You have a funny way of complimenting people, Mr. Gold.”

“Robert is fine.” 

“Are you two ready to order?” 

“Yes, thank you. Let’s see, I’ll have the tuna salad without tomatoes please.” 

“Fries?” 

“Yes, please.” 

“Sir for you?”

“Roast beef on toast. Blackened.” 

“Fries?” 

“No. Actually, yes, just put them on the lady’s plate.” 

“Very good. I’m Jack, just let me know if you need anything else.”

“That’ll be all for now.” 

“You’re very intimidating. That poor boy’s sweating!”

“Nonsense. He’s fine.” 

“How old did you say your son was?”

“I didn’t.” 

“Come on, I know you’re older. Just tell me.” 

“Thirty in October.”

“Oh.”

“I did warn you.” 

“You must have been very young.“ 

“Seventeen. His mother and I were middle school sweethearts. We learned rather quickly that teens should not be parents.” 

“Did your parents help?” 

“They were out of the picture.” 

“His mother?”

“Deceased.“

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. She ran off with a navy man long before her death. I was told she was very happy.” 

“You raised your son by yourself?” 

“You ask an awful lot of questions. Are you always this inquisitive?”

“Well, it’s not a date. I’m simply curious. And I’ll never see you again so, what’s the harm?” 

“Couldn’t we enjoy our coffee in peace? Spend a quiet hour simply reflecting on life before going our separate ways?” 

“Perhaps I enjoy talking with you.” 

“Perhaps you are not as well adjusted as you appear.” 

“Robert?”

“Mm?” 

“Why didn't you remarry? You aren’t that old and you’re a very attractive man in the prime of his life.”

“And you know I’m also a very eligible bachelor in town.” 

“Gold Incorporated owns half the towns’ private land. Plus everyone on the East Coast has hard of Gold's Pawnshop.” 

“A hobby of mine.”

“You avoided the question.” 

“You are very perceptive.” 

“Perhaps, I’m just paying attention. Plus, I like antiques.”

“No wonder you agreed to meet an old man like me.”

“No, no. I agreed on a date with you because you seemed the lesser of the two evils.”

“Oh, dearie. I can only warn you how very wrong you are. “ 

“I’ll take my chances.” 

“Here you are! Tuna for the lady and roast for the gentleman. Anything else I can get you?” 

“This is great, thank you! Oh, this is delicious! How’s yours?” 

“Adequate.” 

“Just adequate?” 

“The sandwich is subpar, the tea is weak and the atmosphere is crowded.” 

“Ah.” 

“The company, however, makes up for the rest. Ketchup?”

“Yes, please. You know Robert, I’m very glad your son tricked you into coming here.”

“I’m sure my grandson had a hand in it somehow. What? Why are you giggling? Cease it this instant. It’s unbecoming. Belle? Belle, stop or you’ll choke!” 

–

“Dad! You’re home!” 

“Hi honey, how’d it go? You’re still in one piece, I see…”

“He never came back to the shop! I spent all afternoon dealing with angry customers and people dropping rent checks off- and he never even called to tell me he wasn’t coming back!” 

“Where was he?” 

“I don’t know!”

“Did he meet up with that girl?”

“God, I hope so. Otherwise, this whole day was a giant waste of time. “ 

– 

“Oh, hi Ruby…” 

“Belle! How’d the date go? I want to hear all the juicy details, I brought wine!”

“Um. Well, tonight’s not really a good night…” 

“Oh come on, Archie has little league tonight and I want to hear about how the date went-“ 

“Belle, who is it?”

“Is that him?!” 

“Bye, Ruby! Thanks for the wine!” 

“Belle wait, don’t close the door I want to-!” 

– 

“Sorry about that. She means well…” 

“Is she the friend you mentioned? God, you’re freezing, get under the blanket before you turn blue.” 

“Ha, stop that, it tickles.”

“Good.” 

“Seriously, I can’t open this if you’re doing that-“ 

“It’s a screw off top, not even worth consuming.”

“Some of us like this kind.” 

“I’ll have to work on that.” 

“Robert, again? We just –Mmm. There, just- just a little bit to- oh!“ 

“You were saying, dearie?” 

“Swipe – swipe a little bit more to the right.” 

“There?” 

“Perfect.”


End file.
